You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November, 2007.
1000 veiws… interesting.
I wonder how many people that read these things actually get somthing out of it. Or are you just all stalkers? :p
Tell me what I could be doing with my life, then ask me why I’m not doing it. Go on. Everyone else has.
Me, like every one else, is meant to be do what every other person is doing. Let me give you a brief outline of the basics a human should fulfill in their lifetime.
Step One - Baby: Be born healthy, gain the right amount of weight, show the right kind of responsiveness to external stimuli, learn to talk, learn to crawl, learn to walk, learn to not poop yourself, learn that having a snotty nose is a bad thing and other various etiquette’s.
Step Two - Childhood: Learn to play nice with other kids, goto school and learn everything they have to teach you, more etiquette, learn how to run, learn how to ride a bike, learn about feelings and how to be sociable.
Step Three - Teens: Learn how to fit in, how to make yourself look good, learn how to act, feel and talk, go to school and learn what they have to say, become responsible, make your own decisions - by being guided by older people so you don’t make the wrong ones, learn how to appeal to the opposite sex (or the same sex), learn how to get smashed and still look good.
Step Four - Transition to adulthood: Study or get a job, one that will pay well enough to let you live the lifestyle you want.
And if you don’t live like this? You get every one telling you that you should try to anyway and if you can’t? You have to have a damn good reason why. I’m sorry the doctors don’t know whats wrong with me. I’m sorry it looks like I’m just being a wimp. Well, society can bite my arse. I would rather die than push myself to something I am not physically or mentally ready for. As for me, living the way I do now has made me hell of a self centered person.
Why? Because I’ve been so ashamed that I can’t be like everyone else that I’ve stopped trying to be friends with people. Why bother talking to them when all you have got to say is, I do nothing with my life because every day I feel like shit. I can hardly handle going to the movies let alone doing something day in day out having to stress over the fact that I have to be somewhere and I can’t excuse myself. My body is out of my control so I feel out of control and that makes me more and more selfish because I’m so intent on worrying about myself that it’s hard for people to see how much I care about them. How much I wish I didn’t have this on me so that I could enjoy their company instead of being embarrassed all the time. I have been like this for over a year. I doubt it will change anytime soon. I am so disappointed in myself for being this way because no matter how hard I’ve tried, it hasn’t changed. I’m trapped. And I feel sorry for the people who hope that things will change for me and keep getting disappointed. I feel like that all the time, but the least I can do is not let other people feel even an iota of what I have to go through every day. No one should have to feel this way.
There is one person who has given me hope, seeing my limitations and accepting me for what I am. At least I like to believe so. I’m scared that one day it will all melt away and I’ll be alone again.
Confused…
This just hurts.
What am I doing?
How do I change?
How can I be myself when I can’t remember who I am?
I miss my friends.
They’re the ones who remind me I’m more than this.
Where’s small group gone?
Is it coming back?
Goldfinger - Night Klub
Is this the in place to be?
What am I doing here?
Watching the girls go by
Spending money on…
Sleep all day
Its the only way
Im a parasite
I creep about at night.
Night club, is this the in place to be?
Night club, what am I doing here?
Night club, watching the girls go by
Spending money on…
Hey, hey, I dont work
cause I dont have to
I dont have to work
Theres no, no work to do
Night club, Im a member of the night club
Night club, a fully paid up member of the night club
So I cant dance in a club like this
All the girls are sluts
And the beer tastes just like piss
Im a parasite
I creep about at night.
Im a member of the night club
A fully paid up member of the night club
Night club, is this the in place to be?
Night club, what am I doing here?
Night club, watching the girls go by
Spending money on beer
