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Getting to know yourself is essential to growing as a person, the other thing that’s needed for growth is outside influence and the best place to get it is your friends. A reciprocal relationship is tricky though and I’m sure you understand why. The willingness of someone to give as much as they take in any sort of relationship is pretty much the only way that stability is formed. But first you have to have something to give, to get them interested. Sounds a bit sinister doesn’t it? Then the next step usually goes something along the lines of “You like that? oh! I like that too!”
Why am I saying all of this? Mostly just to bitch. I’m tired, and my willingness to present something of worth to other people is limited. The people I would normally have to go through hoops to impress I just don’t have the energy for. It’s funny seeing people expecting you to dance for them, and then you don’t bother. It’s like they can see your potential, but the fact that your not trying to impress them is frustrating. I think I’m actually going to enjoy tormenting these people, I just hope they don’t read this blog. He he he. There’s a sad point to all of that too though, the people you can see potential in that just don’t have the time or aren’t interested enough to show you what you can see in them. There’s two sides to every equation, and I should never forget that. So patience and perseverance is the answer.
The only problem with growth is that sometimes you don’t grow in the same direction as the people your close too. Knowing how much effort you need to put into a relationship is tricky, because you can never really know how far away someone is or how much they are willing to try. That is added to all the other stuff that’s happening and all the other people your trying to hold onto, and the same in there life. So are best friends meant to change? Or are you meant to blame yourself for negligence of the relationship? Is it both your faults? The good thing about friendship though, is that it’s bendy and as much as there’s the possibility for it to disintegrate, there is as much possibility that it will come back together again. Patience and perseverance is the answer.
Growth involves two things, action and waiting. Why is it that action is encouraged and celebrated in today’s society and waiting is looked upon as a waist of time? Why is it that when someone is clearly joyous about waiting, they get pushed to do something? And why do people who are in pain get told to persevere by those people unwilling to support them? It seems like there is all these gaps where people should be doing things. This includes me.
It’s time to change.
I’ve been a bit selfish lately in my blog postings, or caught up in my own head. So I thought I would post this to give some hope to those people who are dealing with the same upmyownbum syndrome.
I love you because you love god first
I love you because you give people hope
I love you because you try
I love you because you can see the back of my head
I love you because you can make the hardest things seem easy
I love you because I can remember the things you forget
I love you because you’re not afraid to talk it through
I love you because you know more than I do
I love you because you don’t watch lonely girl 15 or avatar the last air bender
I love you because your taste in music is different to mine, but so similar at the same time
I love you because I don’t have to explain everything for you to understand me
I love you because you enjoy yourself
I love you because you smell great when you think you stink
I love you because there is peace when you talk
I love you because you laugh
I love you because you smile
I love you because you love to sing with other people
I love you because you can see the good in misunderstood people
I love you because your searching for the truth
I love you because you wont settle for what society tells you is right
I love you because you still love me
I love you because you understand that you don’t have to be talking to have a conversation
I love you because you let me touch you and you touch me back
I love you because there’s hardly ever a simple answer
I love you because you join into the randomness, not just accept it
I love you because you challenge me
I love you because there’s always something that could be better
I love you because I don’t always understand what you’re talking about
I love you because your not afraid to comfort strangers
I love you because I admire your courage
I love you because you are courageous
I love you more because of coolamatong
I love you because your brain is functioning
I love you because you understand life is growing not just moving
I love you because you are unique
I love you because you are so unique that you can love others uniqueness
I love you because you are simple
I love you because you are complicated
I love you because the shower isn’t just a place to get wet
I love you because you love
I love you because I can see god loves you
I love you because I could never love your passions as much as you do
I love you because you are empowered
I love you because you don’t like christian catch phrases like “empowered” or “Grab hold of something entirely new that will change your life and of those around you. With powerful messages and an awesome opportunity to experience Gods presence in contemporary and energetic praise and worship we know that God is here every week.”
I love you because you laughed at that
I love you because you understand that god doesn’t just turn up on a Friday night
I love you because you like expressing yourself, sometimes in ways I don’t understand
I love you because I wont ever know you completely
I love you because you think I’m writing all this about you, when really, its about a lot of people and the list would be a lot longer if I had all the time in the world to write this, what I’ve written will just have to do.
The purpose of this blog was to remind me that I do love people other than myself, well, most of the time. 
Is Love that simple?
Penetralia Masquerade - That of all things makes me angry. When people don’t let you take off your mask. I don’t want to dance anymore. I never really liked dancing much anyway, I’m completally unco at it. Is this really what society has become? A bunch of people to afraid to let go of the norm? Why can’t people just rejoyce in the fact that life sucks for a bit? Rejoyce because change is coming, people get happy all the time when they see rain clouds, not many people I know like the rain like I do, but I know every one loves the aftermath (esspecially gardeners). So what if me getting wet and it makes them feel cold? Your the one standing in doors. I want to feel everything, not just the sunshine. I want to sing in the rain, so why does every one else keep handing me umbrellas and raincoats?
Romans 12:12-16
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another.
Five Iron Frenzy - On Distant Shores
I have been scarred so deep by life and cold despair,
and brittle bones were broken far beyond repair.
I have leveled lies so deep, the truth may never find.
And inside my faithless heart, I stole things never mine.
If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor,
If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor,
Dear Father, I will see you, there on distant shores.
I have toiled for countless years and never felt the cost,
and I’ve been burned by this world’s cold,
like leaves beneath the frost.
On my knees I’ve crawled to You, bleeding myself dry.
But the price of life is more, than I could ever buy.
If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor,
Dear Father, I will see you, there on distant shores.
And off of the blocks,I was headstrong and proud,
at the front of the line for the card-carrying, highbrowed.
With both eyes fastened tight,
yet unscarred from the fight.
Running at full tilt, my sword pulled from its hilt.
It’s funny how these things can slip away,
our frail deeds, the last will wave good-bye.
It’s funny how the hope will bleed away,
the citadels we build and fortify. Good-Bye.
Night came and I broke my stride,
I swallowed hard, but never cried.
When grace was easy to forget,
I’d denounce the hypocrites,
casting first stones, killing my own.
________________________________________________
You would unscale my blind eyes,
and I stood battered, but more wise,
fighting to accelerate, shaking free from crippling weight.
With resilience unsurpassed, I clawed my way to You at last.
And on my knees, I wept at Your feet,
I finally believed, that You still loved me.
Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.
Jesus Christ, Light of the World,
burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition,without beginning or an end.
Here’s my heart, let it be forever Yours,
only You can make every new day seem so new.
uYou know what’s freaking me out at the moment? The fact that Rent (the musical) seems to reflect so much of my life. No, I don’t have aids, but if you go through my blog posts, you will see how many times i’ve posted Rent lyrics… almost every single song reflects somthing about how i’m feeling about my life. Maybe because the words are from the charactures perspectives on life, which is pretty general, but every single song in the whole musical? All the charactures have different perspectives, identities and ideas, so why does there songs, when put together, make one person. Did the writers break up a generic person in todays society and put each part of there personality into there own characture? I guess it shows how complex every one is. I havn’t really mentioned my feelings about relidgion yet, or i’ve been pretty vauge about it, but now, with the help of some more lyrics, i’m going to try and show how I feel about god right now.
Without You (extract)
Without You
The Ground Thaws
The Rain Falls
The Grass Grows
Without You
The Seeds Root
The Flowers Bloom
The Children Play
The Stars Gleam
The Eagles Fly
Without You
The Earth Turns
The Sun Burns
But I Die
Without You
The Ground Thaws
The Rain Falls
The Grass Grows
Without You
The Seeds Root
The Flowers Bloom
The Children Play
The Stars Gleam
The Eagles Fly
Without You
The Earth Turns
The Sun Burns
But I Die
Without You
In other words (my own for once) life will go on if I don’t have my faith, but if i don’t have faith, then my own world wont go on as it ment to. I think I really have learned from experience, the way I want things isn’t always whats best for me. Isn’t that just what societys all about at the moment, society has little to do with serving the individual, so any happiness you have, you’ve created for yourself, which leads to having to rely on being self sufficent to survive. So if i’m not always right, who is? I’m feeling like I can love god, because, well, that only involves slight commitment, but trusting him to let him take the reigns and live each day as the only day, well, Mimi sais it better;
Another Day (Extract)
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There’s only us
There’s only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There’s only us
There’s only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today
Trusting that much… no wonder people find it hard. I don’t like saying it, but how do you let go of control and let the current take you where you need to go? Society sure hasn’t told me the awnser to that question. God forbid I go agaisnt the grain.
Am I really ready to stop being socially acceptable?
I spent two hours today sketching out a life model. My first thoughts were of how much courage she had to stand in a room with complete strangers staring at her, second was wondering how cold she was. Somthing that struck me though was her facial expression that she pulled every single time she posed, just as a model does when they walk down the catwalk pouting there lips in such a way that demands you to take alot more than a glance. It’s not because they’re beautiful (have you seen some of the stuff they wear?!) I think that it’s that they feel beautiful on the inside, and that shows on there face. Stuff like that you can’t fake.
I put up walls because it’s not socially acceptable to feel the way I do all the time, and also so I can have a break from myself. I think I would go mad if I didn’t. Is that the right thing to do? Because I seriously don’t know anymore. I’ll try and deal with my issues in my own time, or when someone else starts the conversation about it. But i’ve had the walls up for so long, when it gets to that time I can only pull some of them down.
I guess every one does that… I’m still finding it surprising how much more complicted life gets as you get older, theres so much you have to deal with, and from every aspect of life. From jobs, to being social, to having to figure out the best moment to tell someone that you love them. I’m surprised anyone can be at peace with themselves. How are you ment to fix somthing, that the only way you know how to fix it is the thing that got you into the mess in the first place.
Find some who knows the way and hold on to them like there gold? How do you carve a new path for yourself? What is better, finding facts or having faith?
Waiting for the awnsers to unfold seems like the thing to do…
How bad can it get befor I fall off the deep end?
Just need to wait. Wait and see. Then do.
Then maybe I’ll be able to help someone who is drowning like I was.
Someday.
The body is a beautiful thing, it grows, it creates, it nurtures and it rejoyces. Did you know that the brain has a relativly infinite capacity? To me this just screams “created by god”. Accidents don’t create infinity in a finite thing. It’s funny how, as humans, we cannot fully understand the concept of infinity. We live in a world of things with beginning, middle and end. If you don’t beleive me read about Hilbert’s paradox of the Grand Hotel. The brain though, has a relativly infinite capacity. Were walking black holes in a box. Its insane. I don’t think it would be an understatement to say that I’m in awe of the body. I think doing life drawing just made me realise how much more there is to it. Seeing someone the way I see myself everyday, you can’t help but realise how much every one is alike under all there clothes, under there masks, physical and psychological. Just how do we get naked?
So in the words of Rodger from Rent the musical;
Please! Listen to it here: One Song Glory
One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory — on another empty life
Time flies — time dies
Glory — One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory — glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory — on another empty life
Time flies — time dies
Glory — One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory — glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man
Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies
I don’t get church. There’s so many resons why I dislike going to church, but I still go. To see my friends. From the start of 2003 to march 2006 I considered myself a christian and went to church. But after I got baptised I felt like I had to leave, I gave up on trying pretty much. Church can be surprisingly demanding. Or maybe it was the lack of demand for my time that got to me. I think I only really stayed there for so long because I had a group of friends to support me. Then they left, because they all started uni and got lives. Now i’m at uni and starting a new life, well, I decided to see if I could start to goto a new church and make new friends. So I did, but it also got me thinking. Is church just about the people?
“A church is an association of people who share a particular belief system. The term church originally referred to a group sharing a faith based on Christianity.” - Wiki
Well then I guess it’s true, it is about the people. But do I beleive the same thing every one else does? Is that the goal of every church, to get people to beleive the same thing? If the church is just based on the broad spectrum of Christianity, are the denominations used to specify certain beleif systems then? There is tones of information in being a christian, so I guess it makes sence. But there is so much information, how am I ment to agree with it all? The last church I went to, well there was just so much going on I just ended up accepting everything they said because it was easier that way. This time, at the church i’m going to now, well I’m finding it alot harder to sort through all the information i’m given, because i’m making myself think through it all. They keep using so many words to describe the one thing, The church can be; The body of christ, the bride of christ, an olive tree, branches on a vine… the list goes on, and each has there own meaning and own story.
Theres one thing that anoys me at churches, its the people who explain a passage by taking it into peices and telling it again in modern day language with no real insight, like it’s not really practicle and you leave going, i’ll try and do that, but I don’t really know how. I guess in some situations you can’t really be specific, but there is a big difference in practical christianity and just re explaining a passage. I just hope I don’t encounter that too much at my new church.
Ever had reoccuring nightmares? I sure have. Anxiety about the day tomorrow brings them most of the time. Maybe its the sleep paralysis, maybe its the REM, but what ever it is, it sure helps with my ideas for my artwork. My favorite one at the moment is a dream I had a couple of weeks ago about an evil clockwork wind up clown that blew bubbles that exploded when they popped, exploding limbs and the such. In my passive dream status I decided the best idea to destroy the thing was to make wine out of my garden surroundings so I could pour it into the clown, thus turning the explosive bubbles into wine ones. It’s brilliant, I know. You should see the drawings I did when I woke up.
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” -Dr. Seuss
This blog isn’t so much about nightmares as it is about love. I mentioned befor about trying to find out about the truth about myself, and part of that involves re-doing the way I treat people (and myself) when im in a relationship. You could say the past influences the future. I’ve only just figured that out and now I’m reluctant to fall for anyone until I’ve gotten over the past. But that still doesn’t stop me having crushes 
But like my nightmare stories, good things do come out of the bad and i’m hopfull that somthing good will come out of this mess. Even if it takes me 5 years to get over the past and be healthy again. I guess i’ll always be a sucker for love.
But like my nightmare stories, good things do come out of the bad and i’m hopfull that somthing good will come out of this mess. Even if it takes me 5 years to get over the past and be healthy again. I guess i’ll always be a sucker for love.We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.
Now for some random facts:
Sleeping on you back is technically called The Supine Position
Home and Away sucks
My hair goes curley when it’s wet
The legal consulting age in yemen is 9
The wikipedia article for Truth is REALLY long
I feel like shit right now
Wiki thinks that assertions of truth based upon history,
revelation and testimony set forward in the Bible
are central to Christian beliefs. What do I think?
I really need to pee (again)
It’s too hot to think
To those who actually read these things… I’m sorry but i’m posting lyrics and all these random extracts. But don’t worry, there is a point to it, so just bare with me…
Rent - Goodbye Love (Extract)
Facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie - Tell you why
You’re always preaching not to be numb
When that’s how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach from feeling alive.
Free - Shawn McDonald (Extract)
I feel like the weight of the world is all - crashing down on me
And some how I just don’t believe this how - it is suppose to be
And all this expectation on - the way I’m suppose to live
Becomes my minds distraction - with nothing left to give
I feel like my heart is being beat - down into the ground
In you I’m longing for some peace - to be found
I know the heaviness that’s - making me cold
Is stealing my youthful soul and - making me old
You said your burden is light and your load - is no more
You said your ways are right and in you I will soar
I want to be free - free to dance and free to sing
Free to live and love and
Oh, free to be me
—————————————
I guess it just shows where my head space is at the moment. Coolamatong made me realise what i’m actually searching for atm, and thats the truth in the lies that i’ve told myself. Bringing up that quote from desperate house wives (I love random philosophical quotes) “The worst lies you can tell are the ones you tell to yourself.” It sounds really terrible, like denying that you have 5 arms or somthing… But put simply I recon it has more to do with ignoring your own issues or not dealing with them properly, because its too hard or to emotionally upheaving or whatever, or denying the fact that you have issues at all. (I’m not saying that people are screwed all the time and they don’t know it) Not everyone does that though… Maybe its just me, I dunno. That brings me to the other end of the equation, searching for the truth.
Coolamatong’s theme (The Truth) actually got to me this year… Last years theme i think was chickens, I wonder why that didn’t effect me? But yeah, all of this year I stopped looking for awnsers. This year was great, and I recon I needed that break too but the longer I was in that state of mind, the more depressed I got (I’m sure those who experienced exams with me / saw me at the start of coola) probibly got the gist of what kind of state I was in. I don’t want to sound over dramatic, but it felt like my spirit was dying. I dunno why choosing to go my own way ended up making me worse off than when I started. You would think that living like “everyone elce” would make you happy, because they look happy. Thats such a lie. Do you think happyness is found in telling the truth to yourself? People say be true to yourself all the time, and I’m sure alot of people think they’re living “in the truth” because they are happy. But how truthful are they being? Part of being truthful is not only telling yourself the truth but also searching for new truths. Things you don’t know about yourself I guess, but also in a way the truth about your beleifs, which extends past yourself into how you perceive the world. I don’t know how many lightbulb moments i’ve had in my life (too many to remember) but every single time I discover somthing new about myself, in turn my curiosity for what I beleive in grows too, the hunger for the truth about what kind of person I could be and the ways to acheive it i guess you could say.
Which brings me to the point of this blog, Are you searching for truth in your life? Or just sitting around waiting for it to happen? How do you think it will effect who you are if you start looking? For the better or the worse? Is there any point in looking?
Why do people look for truths if they don’t seem essential to our physical exsistance? How come there are so many different ideas on truths? Is there just one truth or many possibilities to that one question?
I chose to do a blog centered around a topic that I think is really important in my life, and perhaps maybe in yours too. It’s ruflly based on the concept of the life journey, but more so on the search for truth in that journey. It’s all about trying to figure out why it is imporant to look for truth and what kind of things influence that choice.
Hence why I chose Verisimilatude as the heading for my blog, because it shows that the apearance of truth, may only be apearing to be true. But with more searching the real truth will always come out.
Read this;
The notion of perennial philosophy suggests the existence of a universal set of truths and values common to all peoples and cultures.
According to the tenets of the perennial philosophy, people in many cultures and eras have experienced and recorded comparable perceptions about the nature of reality, the self, the world, and the meaning and purpose of existence. These similarities point to underlying universal principles, forming the common ground of most religions. Differences among these fundamental perceptions arise from differences in human cultures and can be explained in light of such cultural conditioning.
Among these perceptions are the following assertions:
+ The physical or phenomenal world is not the only reality; another non-physical reality exists. The material world is the shadow of a higher reality which cannot be grasped by the senses, but the human spirit and intellect bear testimony to it in their essence.
+ Humans mirror the nature of this two-sided reality: while the material body is subject to the physical laws of birth and death, the other aspect of human existence is not subject to decay or loss, and is identical to the intellect or spirit, which is the sine qua non of the human soul. In the modern West, this second or other reality has been frequently discounted or ignored.
+ All humans possess a capacity, however unused and thus atrophied, for intuitive perceptions of ultimate or absolute truth, and the nature of reality. This perception is the final goal of human beings, and its pursuit and flourishing are the purpose of their existence. The major religions try to (re)establish the link between the human soul and this higher and ultimate reality.
These worldwide perceptions are thought to be amendable with one another and reliable in themselves because of their internal consistency and due to the similarities among them, in spite of their often independent origins. Sorce: Wikipedia
Do you agree with the three points? How can we be sure if there’s no physical evidence? Is the human spirit enough to prove the exsistance of another reality? What is a soul?
The last point I totally agree with, because society is a place of finite things. Everything has a begining and an end, that’s just how we are built to see the world, so it make sence that we would be curious about the absolute truth and the nature of reality. But does science have all the awnsers? I guess society could either wait until science catches up to our intuition of the other reality, or theres just plain old simple faith.
Which one to choose? Is one better than the other?
Well, I guess thats why I started this blog… To post all the little things that have made me decide on what I think about the perennial philosophy concepts.
p.s Sorry about the spelling errors… please don’t bother correcting me, because I really can’t be botherd fixing it.
